We’ve all been there, when we had good intentions, we spoke up and it all went pear shaped. You wanted to clear the air, and all you did was create a complete crap storm.
What went wrong? This is painful…. how do I know? I have done this more than most! I have created an art form of poor communication. This is why I share all of my learning’s with you guys. May as well make my mistake helpful for someone else. “Don’t do what I did!”
One of the main reasons things go wrong in communication is because we automatically assume that everyone sees the world the way we do. For example, I get annoyed when…. I would feel like this if……
Ok, newsflash! The world does not see things the same way you do, each of you is completely unique, yes there are trends and similarities BUT you are all unique. If you are trying to communicate an idea with someone in a way that you need, guess what, it is not what they need…….
To improve your communication and avoid poor communication, you first need to understand yourself. How? If you would like to know what your Communication DNA is you can take our initial test here.
If you are keen to become a Better Communicator, then check out our range of online courses designed to take your Communication skills to the next level.
Our most popular courses are Learn to Harness Your Communication Strengths. This course will teach you what works for you, what frustrates you, who you respond in stress and what to do about it.
Also "The Enlightened Communicator" teaches you not just about your Communication needs across a range of areas but also the needs of other Communication DNA styles so can begin to build and understand of others. A critical skill in becoming a Better Communicator.
Once you understand yourself, you then need to realise the needs of the person you are communicating with. This conversation is actually about them. Hang on have I lost my mind? Nope, sorry it is about them.
When communication goes wrong it is because we get caught up in ourselves and our needs, not the needs of the most important person in the equation, the listener. Think about it this way, it doesn't matter how eloquent you are, how skilled you are, how nice you are. If your message is not heard and understood , you have completely wasted your time, and confused the poor person in the process.
What happens next is confusion, frustration, tension and then you slide down in to toxic communication town which is not a fun place to be at all. The higher the stress levels the worse you communicate! It is a vicious cycle that needs to be ended.
When communication goes wrong the first thing to do is realize it as soon as possible. Stop, recap on what happened and why. From here you can then take responsibility and work to apologise and clear the air as soon as possible. Don’t put this off, the tension and emotions only grow making the whole process even harder.
You know it has gone wrong by watching the response of the other person, was it weird, did they over react, did they behave in an unexpected way? Was their body language strange?
So, when communication goes wrong, try and catch it as early as possible, take responsibility, apologise and clear the air. If you don’t the problem will only grow. Do you have questions? if so, get in touch here.
Until next time, Care, Connect and be a Conscious Communicator
Let’s change the world we live in one conversation at a time.